Is it ok for boyfriend of 4 yrs to refuse anything for valentine's

He knows Valentine's day is important to me but refuses to do anything. He gives a heart box of chocolates & card to grown daughter who lives wiht him

Is It OK To?
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  • I wouldn't spend lots of money for Valentine's because it's a commercial cash-grab. However I would still make the effort to do something that isn't playing into corporate greed.

    I do see some people with this attitude like "well I don't need a special day to tell me when to celebrate my love!". Ok kudos to you bitch, btw when was the last time you did something nice for you partner just because "it's Saturday"? Don't celebrate it if you don't want to but don't say such bullshit.

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    • He always makes sure he has a box of candy and a card for his adult daughter who lives with him.

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      • What's wrong with that? Are you seriously jealous of his daughter?

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        • What's wrong with buying the same stuff for his girlfriend?

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          • Nothing, but since she can't even answer the question of why it's important I am guessing there is a reason. It seems he is going out of his way not to gift her, since as you have noted, he has no issue gifting his daughter. Maybe OP is a nag or expects things, I have no idea. Most people don't go out of their way to be mean.

            He obviously has good qualities, since he cares for his child.

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            • Maybe you're right. Maybe he doesn't do it because she's a bitch. Then maybe he doesn't do it because he's an asshole. One thing is certain; You shouldn't use a tone that makes it seem as though you've already decided that she's the guilty party.

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            • I just think his care ought to extend to his partner as well on this. Honestly, I want to know how much she contributes to the household bills. Maybe he's a shithead who is just using her for sex and her money?

              Maybe she is sad, and ashamed of this whole mess, and that's why she isn't directly responding enough? There is a lot of shame that women and men who aren't being treated well in relationships feel, because oftentimes they blame themselves for the mistreatment they receive.

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    • But he knows how important it is to me. I've told him. He knows how badly it makes me feel when he refuses. I don't care about expensive gifts just the idea of a day where we express our love for each other. A $ 2 card.

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      • Did you bother to get him anything?

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      • Have you told him what you are telling us, and what is his response?

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      • Again, why is it important to you?

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        • ... because chocolate is delicious! There's really no reason for a so called loving partner not to celebrate. People can choose either cheap or expensive gifts depending on their budgets. My father has bought my mom jewelry for St Valentine's Day, my sister and I have always received cards, candy and money from both parents since we were kids, and we're our forties now. I personally think there is no logical reason for OP's partner not to give her some sort of gift especially since he already gives little gifts to his adult daughter. It doesn't have go be fancy or expensive, it's the thought that counts, and this stupid guy seems to be treating her in a deliberately thoughtless and spiteful manner.

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    • A £4 or $5 box of chocolates never broke the bank nor do they go unappreciated.

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  • If he refused because he believed it to be an empty commercial holiday made purely to profit large companies then I'd say it's normal. But it obviously isn't that since he bought stuff for his daughter.

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  • No it sounds like he's not doing anything just for spite.

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  • Maybe he can make you a paper heart out of red construction paper.

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    • Well, that's a start, but if he's buying his adult daughter something surely he can buy something for OP of equal value.

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  • I give my girlfriend lots of orgasms. But she gets presents too. He sounds like a cheap bastard to me.

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  • They don't want anything but your love. Trust me men are weird like that! All I want is candy. So a guy is a guy.

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  • Dump the loser

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  • So? I'm not going to shit talk your boyfriend because he bought his daughter something, but not you.

    In the end, he sounds spiteful and you sound petty. Talk it out with him.

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  • I love it when an OP posts about a shitty partner then doesn't respond.

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    • What is shitty about him? I seriously dpn't get this Valentines thing. I get and recieve little loves all the time, to get one just because stores want to sell cards, chocolates and flowers seem cheap and forced to me.

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      • That's your personal philosophy on the holiday. Many other people don't feel the same. Some people really enjoy flowers and chocolates. OP is kinder to his adult child than his partner which is downright weird. Why not buy gifts for both? The holiday means something to her, and he had made a point of deliberately neglecting her, and then indulging someone else just to make her feel bad. He is an asshole!

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        • I agree! Its the thought that counts esp if it matters to HER. I don't give a crap about football but I watch it with my boyfriend and cheer his team because he cares.

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          • Yeah, people do lots of nice things for people to show they care.

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            • Thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies. I really knew the truth but didn't want to admit it. He didn't do it out of spite and ugly passive aggression. Sometimes it felt like he was "testing" me to see how little he could give me and I'd stay.

              Thanks to all your wonderful replies I accepted the truth. You all opened my eyes and wouldn't let me close them again. I told the man to never contact me again. That he was very abusive and needed professional help. I told him it wasn't really his "fault" because he would remain the same passive aggressive classless jerk. He was so pathetic that he "got off" withholding a valentine from me knowing it would make me happy. But I would no longer ALLOW him or anyone else to mistreat me ever again. I couldn't feel bad about "losing him" because he was nothing to begin with.

              Then I was automatically feeling all the same bad feelings. Unloved, unwanted, alone. NO that was the old codependent me that allowed the abuse. What I did today was focus on sending Valentines to all the people I loved and were important to me. It gave me the power to stop feeling bad. By giving to others I felt great.

              Never let anyone make you feel bad. Run.

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  • Why are you with this awful person?

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    • I agree! If he has 0 regards for your feelings, out the door with him.

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      • Yep!

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        • Why do you say thats awful?

          If he's not into it, then he's not.

          It's not a big deal. The bigger question is, would you really dump your boyfriend just because he's not into valentines day?

          Is that going to be a dating requirement for your profile?

          "Has to be into valentines day"

          If he loves her, then he loves her, isnt that what matters?

          He probably just feels stressed from work or something and doesnt feel like doing anything.

          If you want to try to please him on valentines day, then maybe he'll see the perks of that day, and might begin to enjoy it.

          But I wouldnt give up my partner just because of valentines day.

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        • Don't get me started on Valentine's Day. You can idly attract any nice guy that had an attractive bulge on a whim. It's a gut retching experience to be me.

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          • I love expensive bulges if its a wallet.

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          • Oh He'll No! Boy, you don't even know me like that to be talking to me that way! I don't personally go around trying to "idly attract" anybody, nor to I go around checking out guys "bulges", besides a dude's face and personality are much more in important than his "bulge". I don't appreciate you making assumptions about me, and being disrespectful just because you can't get chicks.

            Are you one of those guys who's always going for girls who look like models and actresses, but then is completely disinterested in chicks on your own level? I'm not saying you are like that, but your bitter presumptuous response smacks of that sort of attitude. There's nothing more pathetic than the guys who post on here whining that they can't get chicks who are tens despite the fact that they openly admit that that themselves are fours. Once again I'm not accusing you, but the way you talk in your response to me is very objectify of other people.

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            • We have a big misunderstanding here. First, I am sorry if I insulted you. My point was that your views about guys are radically different than women in the bottom 10% of desirability. Secondly, even women in the bottom 10% want sex eventually. A deal breaker for ALL women is a eunuch. You may not think so. If you do, you're wrong.

              Relationships are about honesty. I will honestly never be able to get it up. If I led you on for a few weeks and you found out about my inability, you would be INFURIATED. I wouldn't blame you either. I am just pathetic.

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  • Why is it important to you?

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    • I think asking her why it's important to her is a little invalidating to say the least.

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      • I'm asking to understand, so I don't see how.

        I wouldn't feel all that great receiving a gift out of obligation, would you?

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        • I don't see it as obligation, because my family, and the guys I've been in relationships with in the past have never deprived me or acted like it was anything more than a fun holiday for them. We celebrate dog and cat birthdays in my family.

          If someone is gonna play the "this is a fake holiday, and I feel obligated" card with me then such a person wouldn't be for me. I wouldn't want to date or be in a relationship with the kind of person who thinks the way you have described. Last year my ex bought me a beautiful diamond promise ring around this time.

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    • I love it when an OP posts about a shitty partner then doesn't respond.

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      • I'm sorry. I'm new to this. I wasn't posting and refusing to respond.

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        • Right on. So why are you with this person? Have you spoken with his sorry ass about his neglect, and if so what does he have to say for himself?

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