Is it ok to rush into a relationship so my kids have a dad?

I have been with my kids with them having no dad whatsoever to remember. They want a dad so I feel like I need to rush into a relationship. Should I?

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  • Please don’t do it. My mom got divorced with my dad when I was about 4 and would always try to find us a new dad. [I would still see my dad every other day though.]
    Many of the men she dated only wanted her for sex or were abusive to my sister and I. One guy fucking spit on her and would beat her. The police did virtually nothing about it.

    Maybe not all men who date single moms are like that. I don’t care. Something seriously bad could happen to you or your children.

    If you do choose to go through with this, please, PLEASE be very careful with who you date. Don’t just date the first person you come across.

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    • It's not like I'm going to pick up somebody from the street and marry. But things have got hot between me and my best friend. Who knows? We could be a thing soon.

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      • Well, okay.
        I’m just saying that abusers can be people you’d never expect, and that you should go with your gut, but since this guy is your best friend, that means you’ve had time to get to know each other and you trust one another.

        I don’t see that many things wrong with that, except for the fact that you’re rushing a relationship, but please go with your gut if you sense something to be off. I wish you luck and I hope you’ll have a happy relationship with this man, and that your kids have a good experience with him.

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  • It's good for kids to have positive male role-models in their lives, but what they need most is to feel secure and loved.

    Providing that _can_ be easier with the classic nuclear family, but lots of kids grow up with two parents who have serious relationship issues, and this can really mess up their ability to have positive relationships when they're adults.

    It seems to me that the absolute worst thing a single mother can do is frantically search for a new daddy for her kids. As others have said, there are messed-up guys who target single mothers because they know they can be needy and desperate. If kids see their mother involved in a succession of bad relationships with men like this, what they may learn is that women must have a man in their life no matter how toxic he may be, it's normal for men to treat women like shit, and relationships always involve a lot of tension and maybe even abuse.

    There are caring guys around who are willing to get involved with single mothers, but if they have any sense, they know becoming a step-father or even just being in a long-term informal relationship with a single mother can be a mine-field due to the kids.

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  • There's no, but where the "HELL NO" option?

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  • Don't it's not safe for the kids or you.

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  • Of course not! It's not a good idea to rush into a relationship when kids are involved and be aware there are men out there who deliberately prey on single women with kids, for lots of reasons not good for you or your children.

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  • Pay a homeless dude to watch your kids.

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  • I just want my 1 year old to grow up with a dad and my adopted 11 year old to have a dad.

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  • You should never rush into a relationship even without kids. A relationship should grow at a speed you are both comfortable with. Once there is kids involved you need to be even more cautious, you may know he will treat you right, that does not always mean he will treat the kids right. Go gently let him and the kids get to know each other slowly, do some days out all together, then have him stay odd nights so they get used to him slowly. Do this over a period of time, don't rush it. If you sense at any time that something is off about him pull the plug. You need to be happy but never at the expense of your kids well-being.

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  • You shouldn't rush in without getting to know the guy

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  • No!

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  • Better wait for someone to be their dad for the rest of his life rather than potentially bringing a man into their lives only to take him away if it doesn't work out between you two. Its important to have your parents stay together even after you become an adult

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