Is it ok to tell women you think they are attractive?

Im married. Often, i see a woman who i think is quite attractive and i want to pay her that compliment. But i think people can and may get the wrong idea. It is not my intention to be hitting on them or trying to hook up or anything. I just think we have lost the ability to say our true thoughts.

Women, would it you like to be told this, and if so how?

Is It OK To?
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Comments ( 58 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • If you are married you should focus on your wife.

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    • You obviously either did not read the question or you missed the point. Thanks.

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      • They're right, and there's nothing to be misunderstood. If you're in a committed relationship, you shouldn't do that. It's a one thing to think it, but a whole other to say.

        Doesn't matter how attractive another lady is, your wife should be ranked first. Just because.

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  • Ok. But what makes you assume they want your thoughts?

    Sounds like this is more about what you want to do than about complimenting them.

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  • Think whatever you want in the privacy of your head, but keep your mouth shut.

    If you want to compliment a woman, find something nice to say about your wife.

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  • If it's just a simple polite compliment and that's it I don't think there's anything wrong with that, it's mostly in how you say it. There's a difference between complimenting a passing stranger's smile and telling some random woman how sexy you think she looks, you know?

    And while I completely understand what you mean, if you're married I don't know how well complimenting the attractiveness of other women would go over. How would your spouse feel about hearing you compliment others that way? That's something to consider too.

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  • Its best to mind one's own business.

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  • Its really a sad commentary on our society that we cannot pay respect and hand a compliment to anyone anymore. We have become a society that MUST be offended at every turn. We are also a damn litigious group. It's a real shame that we have to live like this. Almost every one responding here thought I had nefarious reasoning. Sad to be existing in such a pessimistic society. But I guess that's where we are, so I have to live with the BS norms the rest of you have created.

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    • Quick question. Imagine you’re out in public and a flamboyantly gay man walks up to you and tells you what he thinks about your body. How would you react?

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      • That's not the best example because gay guys do do that and with the intent of getting laid. Also, OP didn't say he would come up to random women and say anything out of the blue.

        In my mind I imagined a natural situation of interaction between people in which it would be normal to give them a compliment and it wouldn't be as inappropriate as "YOU SO HOT, MAMA!"

        Well, that's just what I imagined.

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        • Exactly, that’s why I used that example. Because it would put him in a similar situation in hopes of helping him understand how women feel. Hopefully it helped him get it, even if he won’t admit it here.

          And maybe you’re right about the situation, but I would think if that’s what he was talking about then the women would take the comment as a compliment and this thread wouldn’t exist because he wouldn’t be so angry that they don’t take it that way. That’s how I looked at it.

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          • It didn't seem to me that he made it sound like it would be any different than what I imagined. My impression is that the ascribed rudeness and bluntness of his compliments also came from people's imaginations. But I might be wrong here... :)

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            • You could be right, that's just not how it sounded to me at all. But I'm basing this on more than just the post, the anger and hostility of his replies to comments were also noteworthy to me.

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      • You too are missing the point like many others. Is there not a way to pay someone a compliment? A compliment tgst you find them attractive? Again, i am not looking to bed these women, just to oay a compliment on tgeir attractiveness.

        As far as a flamboyantly gay man approaching me like that, i do not think i would have an issue. I am not homophobic, and just because someone exoresses an interest, does not mean i dont have the willpower or ability to say no to any advancement, uf there was such a pass.

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        • Nobody is missing anything, we’re just responding to different parts of what you said than what you wanted.

          Look at how you answered my question. You associated a gay man commenting on your body with expressing an interest, an advance, and a pass. Now maybe you can understand why women think that’s your intent when you comment on their bodies.

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          • You are correct. He could be calling me a fat and disgusting fat body. But thst is not really what you meant. You simply wanted to play a "gotcha" game. Bravo.

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            • That's not what I said at all. Of course I didn't mean he could be calling you a fat and disgusting body, I meant he could be complimenting your attractiveness without expressing interest. But you immediately believed he was making a pass or advance if he complimented your attractiveness, and even after I pointed it out you still didn't consider the possibility that might not be the reason. Now you should really be able to understand why women think that's the intent when men tell them they think they're attractive.

              That's not a "gotcha" game, it's trying to get you to empathize with women in these situations.

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    • If it makes any difference, I'm actually baffled by the replies and opinions you got here. Before I read them I was ready to comment saying it's normal and that everyone should do it more often. This mass consensus almost made me doubt my own point of view. It seems to me you might've been misunderstood on this one because you used the word 'attractive'.

      Compliments are supposed to make people feel good about themselves, appreciated and valued for something that someone else sees in them - be it physical or in their personality. I'm all for compliments!! They make people happy - both the one giving and the one receiving.

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      • The key here was married, at least for me.

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        • That's a very moralistic view. People don't stop having good opinions of others when they commit to someone. At least they shouldn't. It's in no way indecent to find and say someone is beautiful.

          Key here is people not being dead after marriage.

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          • I don't disagree with anything you say in that post. It's what/how the O.P posed the question. "I'm married" was the first statement, which indicates to me they have more internal intention than just finding someone attractive.

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            • That's what most people thought so you're not alone, but I honestly understood that he said it to be clear on what his situation is and get more truthful answers. I still think he didn't mean he had underlying intentions.

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  • I WILL RIP YOUR DICK OFF WITH MY BARE HANDS

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  • It just sounds like you're thinking too hard about something so simple.

    To make it easier, most women think that men only give their time/effort to women they find sexually attractive and want to have. Not saying this is you! You're married! But it's what many of us think due to countless interactions with unsavory men. We tend to be overly cautious, because acknowledging a compliment could be the start of something awful if the guy is mentally unstable, predatory, or both.

    Just:
    Identify
    Compliment
    Walk away.

    1. Identify is basically pinpointing what caught your eye. For me, it's always an accessory of some kind, cause my compliments aren't ever driven by lust (I'm a hetero-female). Saying shit like, "You're so beautiful," is over used by men, it's too broad and it feels like you say that to every women you find attractive. So tailor it to make it stand out more, and you seem like less of a horn dog for it.

    2. Compliment: If you're caught by her ass, compliment her pants instead. Caught by titties? Compliment the shirt/blouse. If she's hardly wearing anything at all, just stay silent, look and enjoy. (side note: **Most women with healthy self-esteem know what they look like when they leave the house, if you're talking to purely hot women, they know they're hot and stating the obvious is annoying. If you want to use the, "You're beautiful," it's best done to women who don't seem as confident.)

    3. Walk away and don't look back. That's it. You don't need to stay for conversation unless you want to know where she bought whatever item you've complimented for your wife, other than that, she's just going to assume you want that ass which she'll either give if she's promiscuous or feel creeped out by you. Don't look back because most of us will watch you for a moment either out of joy over what you've said or to make sure you're not going to stalk us.

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    • Thank you, thank you, thank you. This was the kind of direction I was hoping for. Everyone was out to make me some kind of creeper. I just think it's nice to hear good stuff from others and I did not want to come off looking like a horny dude trying to get strange. I know I absolutely love it when I get compliments. Usually when I have a new shirt at work someone (man or woman) will say something. Might be shallow, but it makes me feel good that a person took the time to take a brief interest in me.

      I will use your sound advice and definitely stay away from the overly broad generalization.

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      • You're welcome!

        Also, it's nice to be complimented, I agree! My job allows me to meet a lot of people, so I'm continuously giving compliments daily to both men and women, not only because I like their hat or whatever, but to get to know my customers. For extremely attractive women, I typically use the system I've told you, because when I stay for conversation (mostly out of boredom), they get that worried face, like I'm going to stalk them later or something.

        Anyway, glad I could help!

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  • In my opinion if you're married then there's no need to compliment another woman on her attractiveness. Best regards

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  • It's probably not a good idea to compliment them. In the past while I was working, male customers have complimented me and the wife(or in few cases, husband) would get upset over it. It didn't matter how sweet or nice they were about it, it just pissed off their spouses. I'm pretty sure it got me a few complaints to management about being too nice. XD

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  • I appreciate that you aren't being creepy because I've read this post, but out in the real world if you go around saying that to women it's hard not to come off as creepy. I would maybe keep it to yourself?

    If some guy in my work place told me that I would feel very uncomfortable. The only exception I think would be if he was very old and sweet, in which case I'd find it cute.

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  • Keep it to yourself. People get butt hurt over so much stuff these days. A guy telling a woman how nice she looks or how her dress makes her good great is likely to creep out some woman. However, if another woman says the same thing to her, it likely ok. Doesn’t make sense, but that’s the world we live in.

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    • It doesn’t make sense to you that the same words can have a different meaning based on the context? I find it hard to believe that you take every statement the same way regardless of who says it or how they say it.

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      • I mean when the context and intentions are the same, just different sexes doing/saying the same thing. But, I agree context, tone of voice and other aspects of the interaction can make the man’s compliment feel like a come on.

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        • The context isn’t the same if it’s different sexes. That’s a really important part of the context. And it’s not very realistic to expect women to know the intentions of a complete stranger.

          A comment from a guy is much, much more likely to be a come on than the same comment from a woman. That’s just the reality of the society we live in. Guys are also much more likely to get angry, confrontational, and even violent if the comment isn’t received the way they want.

          Sure, it’s not fair to guys who genuinely do want to just say something nice, but you should be directing your complaints towards the creeps who made it that way instead of the women who have to deal with them every day.

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  • No. You're married. Get lost

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  • Much ado about nothing! If you want to compliment someone, do it! MOST women appreciate a good compliment!

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  • I don't like strange men commenting on my appearance whether it's positive or negative.

    Other girls are different, but I always feel like it's inappropriate, personally.

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  • I think most of the people on the top saying stuff like "your wife should come first, so no." are missing the point. It's a platonic compliment, not something like "I'd love to bang you" or something. It depends more on how jealous your wife could get. Personally if my husband did that, I'd not care. She's pretty. You're acknowledging it.

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  • It's really sad that women don't even like getting complimented any more. Don't read into it, don't act like the man is a "creep" for complimenting you ... simply say thank you, and move on with your day! The way women are acting now makes me ashamed of my own gender.

    Gotta say, I hate the direction society has taken within the past year. I was a little anti-society before, now I really go out of my way to avoid speaking to anybody. People have become so weak, fearful, fragile, whiny, insecure, and I swear are getting dumber by the day. People used to be strong! Things like technology & social media are being blamed, but I don't think that's the root cause. I partake in all that, yet do not act like an offended, elitist brat every time something doesn't please me.

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    • I wholly agree with your sentiment but I'm not sure it necessarily applies here - going back to the good old days when people weren't so easily offended would take us back to a time when it would have been considered inappropriate for a married man to pay a compliment like that to another woman.

      That's the way I remember it from my youth anyway. I'm not old enough to remember the 50s and 60s, maybe it was different then? I'm open to other older members opinions here, would be interesting to hear how people remember it

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  • I wonder if you can compliment other women when you're with your wife and i bet you can't do that, thats called self justification

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    • Well you are wrong there. Whenever we are out at dinner or bar or whatever we actually comment to each other if we find someone attractive and if we are in a crowded place we point it out to each other. No we are not swingers or anything, that's just who we are. So I'm sure it would not be a big issue for her. But listening to everyone here, no one likes compliments, so...

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      • Is it a bit of a turn on for you guys to do that?

        Not calling you a swinger, just curious.

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        • It started . A long time ago when we were first dating. We played a game trying to pick out a person that was not our "type." Then we tried to convince why we should go out with them (hypothetically of course). From there if we see someone attractive, man or woman, we will point them out. She even likes pointing out hookers to me when in Vegas. Ww just enjoy people watchibg i guess.

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  • If I were married to a man who did that I would have divorced him lmaoo
    Its fine when you're single but a married man complimenting another woman for her attractiveness is just not the way
    And from the perspective of a woman receiving a compliment from a man who is married is just weird.
    Please dont do this even if your intentions are pure

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  • Yes, whether or not they want to admit it, women like knowing they are pretty. However, you're not always going to get a good reception if you compliment a woman in this way because this is how men flirt with women. It's as simple as that and that's just the way it is. Being that your married, just stick to only complimenting your wife's appearance. Otherwise, you're gonna be sending all the wrong messages.

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  • Ugh. It depends of course.

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  • How does your poor wife feel about this? Complimenting a woman on her body is what constitutes flirting.

    Imagine some woman coming to your wife and saying "your husband approached me the other day, he thinks I'm hot"

    Furthermore, women might think you are single and available if you do so, and if you outright comment on a married woman's appearance while her husband is there, get ready for a broken nose. And that's the truth.

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    • See you are reading into the question. I never said I want to tell a woman they are, that I want to play the horizontal mambo, or any such type of comment. My question was, how can you tell a woman you believe she is attractive as a compliment. Your (and others here) over reaction to what I wanted to do simply shows that we are incapable as a society of providing a basic compliment to other people without them thinking there is more to it.

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      • We're not over reacting doll face. You just lack the insight to see the consequences and the meaning of what you want to do. Why don't you compliment males, why only females, if you are so passionate to compliment other people? XD
        Clearly it's not a basic compliment, and if as human beings, we didn't analyse every situation, we'd get ourselves into all sorts of trouble

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        • Doll face, nice touch. I know how to compliment a guy, hence i did not pose that question. I dont ask questions when i am comfortable in those situations.

          You are just preferring to be argumentative as i assume thst is how you get your satisfaction.

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          • Yeah glad you liked it, seeing as you're all about compliments. Unfortunately, not every conversation can be to your liking.

            It's about benefaction, not satisfaction

            Adieu

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      • The fact that you stated you're married before anything else, leads me to believe your motives aren't pure and you're trying to justify yourself by stating it up front.

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  • It depends on the time and place. Like if your at work you can say “ oh that dress looks good on you” or something like that. And just keep the thought that you’d like to take it off of her in your head. Now it it’s at a bar, mall, funeral, etc. all those places you can tell her that you’d like to use her mouth as your personal care ck garage. You do have to be carful of the kick to the dick that she may give you. But isn’t life a risk anyway?

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