Is it okay to still have feelings for my first girlfriend?

It's been almost three years since we broke up. It was the last year of high school, and my first relationship, and because of both of those things I was in the mindset of breakup being impossible. Well, it wasn't. We broke up after about half a year. I had an immediate rebound "relationship" that lasted about 2 months. Two years later, I met my current girlfriend, who I just had my 1 year anniversary with. I love her more than anything, including my ex, and would never replace her with anyone. But even though me and my first don't talk anymore, I still have feelings about her. Sometimes I'll have dreams where we just talk, or hug. After such a long time, I still haven't been able to get rid of my love for her. I haven't even had the strength to throw away my only picture of her and a drawing she made me.
Am I a bad person?

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  • Based on the information you've provided, it's not unhealthy. Feelings stick around, and that's okay. Remember, though, that you need to be true to your partner. If you think that the feelings you have for your first girlfriend are going to make it hard for you to stay true to the relationship that you're in, you should try to cut back or even cut off those feelings.
    My own recommendation would be talking to your current partner about the feelings that you still have to try to work them out together. Bring it up in its own conversation, though, because it will completely change the mood and tone of any other conversation.

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  • You're not a bad person, you just need to be reminded that relationships end for a reason, how things truly were between you two, and how better it is with your current girlfriend.

    For example, my boyfriend cares about his 1st serious girlfriend, but he also need to remind himself of the type of person his ex is and why the relationship ended. Anyway, in this relationship he helped raise her daughter after the father left during the pregnancy, so for a short while in highschool he was a dad, and that impacted him a lot even though it wasn't his child. Sadly, she has a wandering eye, and always searching for a better man by her standards/expectations. After 3 years of being a dad to her little girl and doing the best he can, she left for another guy.

    There's nothing wrong with having a special place in your heart for a girl you once knew, but understand that it's all just fond memories. But don't let nostalgia push you backward into something you'll regret and appreciate what you have right in front of you.

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  • Normal but risky.

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  • How do you discard deep feelings? It's not a light switch.

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  • Speaking from experience, this is super unhealthy and it's not going to go away on its own. You need to learn to let go of the past.

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  • yes, but no

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